ostrich superstar waiting for all tomorrow's parties

Nostalgia & Nausea. Those Beatniks I Know.

November 16th
We got laid but his aunt is a inopportune witch and now he has issues about his deserted existence. He’s been self commiserative all day; more than ever he seems to be aware of his dishonest and lethargic way of living. Load of shit. His head, he cannot cope with his head. Fuck it man, this thing is over.

November 17th
We woke up together. It was warm. His downer fuck sake man
Are you alright?
He’s down because he has been a weedy. Know what I’m saying, work-shy and all that. His dull voice coming trough his mouth, it was like a set routine. He knew by heart what he was saying. That’s what it’s about. But what about me? I never dared to ask. All people get ideas but what about a guy who thinks important to cut out everything as much as possible. Fucking hell man. Life, difficult. I was feeling guilty and bored. He was feeling fucked up but he was not trying to worry me. You know the old saying: life goes on? I wanted to celebrate sex, instead I was coming out with a bunch of shit. Even talking about it, you didn’t like talking about it, but it was great.
Christ alfuckingmighty. Life goes on and he only gulps. I just ignored it... like he did, that was what it was. I'm making up a different image of him. It makes me sick: I like him.
November 18th
Little Miss Sunshine. Itzel and I went to his place. He feels the same and for me he appears innocently gorgeous. Shame on him, shame on me too. Can I stand the situation? He would sleep for a fucking week. No point in being helter-skelter. Because there was nothing left anymore.
Sorry I'm not ehh… greeting, he said.
Muttering. I heard muttering as I was leaving.
He was pushing me away. Fair enough. It was his fault, his fault; nobody else but him, it was fucking him. I’m fucking tired of playing the shrink when I’m not asked to… and even when I’m. I wan’t a happy ending, for fuck sake why can I never have one? Okay, he is just one more cunt who had a bad time… because of me (?)… It was warm when I took him in. That was all I needed. It was all gonna disappear, the warm.

November 19th
Okay. Fuck sake. I was like fucking bananas. I wanted to talk to him… it was a mental condition… a fucking mental disorder. I can’t cope.
I’m trying to work things out. I called him, it has been bad. He had changed. Fuck it. There’s not another go. Finito. Nostalgia and nausea.

November 20th

Nothing. The old heart brake. Fuck.

posted by Sofía @ 7:40 AM